Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________ _________ _________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
____________ _________ ________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
___________ _________ ________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________ _________ ________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________ _________ _________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________ _________ _________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
____________ _________ ________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
___________ _________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
____________ _________ _________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
____________ _________ ________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
___________ _________ ________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________ _________ ________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
____________ _________ _________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
____________ _________ _________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
____________ _________ ________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
___________ _________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Saturday, December 12, 2009
"Just when you realize life's a bitch, it has puppies." -Adrienne E. Gusoff Hat tip to Sarcasm Society
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Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Acknowledgement
I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.
My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This Is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to GOD said in prayer are Received..'
I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world..
Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.
The angel then said to me, 'This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them.'
I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth
Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the Door of a very small station To my great surprise, only one angel was Seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Acknowledgment Section,' My angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed 'How Is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.
'So sad,' the angel sighed. 'After people receive the blessings that they asked For, very few send back acknowledgments .'
'How does one acknowledge GOD's blessings?' I asked.
'Simple,' the angel answered. Just say, 'Thank you, LORD.'
'What blessings should they acknowledge? ' I asked.
'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy .'
'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity. '
Also ......
' If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day .'
'If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation .. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world.'
'If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare .'
'If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair.'
Ok, what now? How can I start?
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.
ATTN:
Acknowledge Dept.: 'Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with.
My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This Is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to GOD said in prayer are Received..'
I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world..
Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.
The angel then said to me, 'This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them.'
I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth
Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the Door of a very small station To my great surprise, only one angel was Seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Acknowledgment Section,' My angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed 'How Is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.
'So sad,' the angel sighed. 'After people receive the blessings that they asked For, very few send back acknowledgments .'
'How does one acknowledge GOD's blessings?' I asked.
'Simple,' the angel answered. Just say, 'Thank you, LORD.'
'What blessings should they acknowledge? ' I asked.
'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy .'
'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity. '
Also ......
' If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day .'
'If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation .. You are ahead of 700 million people in the world.'
'If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare .'
'If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair.'
Ok, what now? How can I start?
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.
ATTN:
Acknowledge Dept.: 'Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.
The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.
At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there. An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!
Moral:
“ “ How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we will need their assistance. So never worry how many people dislike you... ”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.
At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there. An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!
Moral:
“ “ How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we will need their assistance. So never worry how many people dislike you... ”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
What kids know about the ocean...
.
Kelly, age 6 - “This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.”
Jerry, age 6 – “Oysters' balls are called pearls.”
Wayne, age 7 – “If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kelly, age 6 - “This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.”
Jerry, age 6 – “Oysters' balls are called pearls.”
Wayne, age 7 – “If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for reason. If you got a chance take it. If its changes your life let it.No b...ody said that it would be easy.They just promise that it would be worth it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.- Aldous Huxley
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think being dishonest is not a very uncommon trait. Many of us possess this unique skill and use it generously, albeit in a controlled capacity. But when we become dishonest with ourselves we destroy somewhere the very reason we were brought to exist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be like a postage stamp – stick to one thing until you get there’
"Achievement is not about seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, it's about finding the light throughout the whole journey.""When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, You command the attention of the world"
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Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Exercises
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who says we don’t exercise? We jump to conclusions, drag our feet, throw our weight around, stretch the truth, bend the rules and go around in circles!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, June 12, 2009
Quotes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Questions !!!!
* Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
* If you job backwards, will you gain weight?
* Why is it that if it's sent by ship it's a cargo but if it's sent by road then it's shipment?
The 50-50-90 Rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong!
* If you job backwards, will you gain weight?
* Why is it that if it's sent by ship it's a cargo but if it's sent by road then it's shipment?
The 50-50-90 Rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong!
Charles Schultz Philosophy
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator
of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer
the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll
get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best
actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. They
are not second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and
certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are NOT the
ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones who care.
of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer
the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll
get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best
actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. They
are not second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and
certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are NOT the
ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones who care.
Friday, April 10, 2009
A new ending
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everything good in life is either illegal,immoral or fattening!
A man is lucky if he is the first love of a Woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man. - CHARLES DICKENS
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending
Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.
Don't count every hour in the day. Make every hour in your day काउंट
In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everything good in life is either illegal,immoral or fattening!
A man is lucky if he is the first love of a Woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man. - CHARLES DICKENSNobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending
Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.
Don't count every hour in the day. Make every hour in your day काउंट
In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Why do we shout in anger?
Why do we shout in anger? Lovely reason explained by saint.
An enlightening piece of information !!
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint.
'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout . More the angry, more the distance between hearts & louder you should shout to cover the distance & reach him.
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small....' They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
MORAL: When you argue, do not let the hearts go far away & do not say words that keeps the distance of each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
Archanapanda.com | archana on YouTube | kavita | kahani | all blogs
(Copy-Pasted a friend's email)
An enlightening piece of information !!
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint.
'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout . More the angry, more the distance between hearts & louder you should shout to cover the distance & reach him.
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small....' They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
MORAL: When you argue, do not let the hearts go far away & do not say words that keeps the distance of each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
Archanapanda.com | archana on YouTube | kavita | kahani | all blogs
(Copy-Pasted a friend's email)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Socho zara socho...
“Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring those that don’t depend on it.”
“Give a thousand chances to your enemy to become your friend. But don’t give a single chance to your friend to become your enemy.”
“If Bill Gates stops his business and starts spending his money at Rs 1 crore per day, he can spend it for about 725 years. Crazy fellow. Still working !!”
“Knowledge speaks. Wisdom listens.”
“No one can make us feel inferior without our consent.”
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